she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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