you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
