I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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