She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
