giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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