Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
