I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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