I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
