I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
