you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
