She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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