i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
