i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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