FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
