my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
