I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
