We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
