dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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