I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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