just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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