my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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