i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
