I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
