so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
