i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
