Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
