I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
did you just send me my own nude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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