Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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