My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
