At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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