You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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