I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Vodka?
Forever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
