Sponge bath it is.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
