I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
