Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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