New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
