handjob tips. give me some.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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