I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
