If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
