If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
