Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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