he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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