On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
