you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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