U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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