No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
