someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
