We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
