I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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