I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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