I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
