This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
