But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
